Writing Roundup: Retro Trash Edition

In the rabid movie-loving corner of Twitter known as #filmtwitter, June has become synonymous with "Junesploitation," a month-long celebration of all things exploitation cinema—trashy slashers, blaxploitation, Andy Sideris's bullets and babes flicks, silly space opera, teensploitation, and so many more, including nunsploitation of all things.

For a lot of us, every month is a celebration of exploitation cinema, of course. Between falling down the rabbit hole that is Tubi's enormous selection of trash cinema, and Joe Bob Briggs's recent season of The Last Drive-In on Shudder, my viewing habits of late are all about trash. Which is just how I like it.

Fittingly then, my first "Writing Roundup" of the year consists entirely of reviews of cult films plus a heartfelt appreciation for a woman who played a big role in igniting my love for B-movies in the first place. It's been a long time since I've done one of these roundups, so here are several months' worth of posts from around the interwebs, at cool sites like Diabolique Magazine, The After Movie Diner, and the brand-spankin' new Retro Network, for whom I'm proud to have been the author of their launch-day headlining article (which is listed below).

Here are the articles, along with some excerpts to whet your appetite.

Stripped to Kill

"I can’t be certain that Katt Shea’s sexploitation flick Stripped to Kill (1987) holds the record for most gratuitous butt shots, but it features so many of them in the first five minutes alone that I’m confident in declaring it at least a contender for the crown.

The story is almost elegant in its simplicity: Hot police detective Kay Lenz goes undercover as a hot stripper to find a serial killer who’s offing strippers. That’s it, that’s all you need to know. The rest is gravy."

Read the rest here.

Stripped to Kill II: Live Girls

"Then there’s the star of the film, Maria Ford, as the fragile bombshell Shady. Ford’s performance is one of the more devastatingly vulnerable you’re ever likely to see. Shady is cursed with (possibly psychic) heightened, surrealistic nightmares wherein she appears to be murdering her friends with a razor blade. Waking up traumatized after each fever dream, she’s shaken to her core and often times covered in blood, only to learn that whomever she dreamed about killing has actually been killed in real life. Thus the film’s central mystery: Is Shady slicing up her fellow strippers, or is someone intentionally setting her up? Ford plays Shady’s anguish and confusion with heartbreaking sorrow. It may sound like hyperbole, but it’s a tour-de-force performance, and one of the best I’ve seen from exploitation films of that era."

Read the rest here.

Staying Up All Night with Rhonda Shear

"Rhonda combined jaw-dropping sex appeal with impeccable comedic timing. Obviously, Elvira is the Queen of that particular combination, but for a few years in the ’90s, Rhonda was right there. Rhonda’s witticisms delivered directly to us the audience at each commercial break, never failed to make these already enjoyable B-movies even better. For an audience full of red-blooded American male teenagers, it certainly didn’t hurt that she dispensed these jokes while rolling around in bed wearing lingerie or while being joined by various B-movie scream queens like Linnea Quigley and Michelle Bauer."

Read the rest here.

Necropolis

"It's no exaggeration to say that every aspect of Necropolis (1986) revolves around 1980s cult film icon LeeAnne Baker's garter-belted and silk-stocking-covered gams and the clickity-clack sound of her sky-high heels on cement floors. That is, when it's not revolving around her performing some sort of weird, kinky, ritualistic, exotic dance number in the name of Satan. As the 'Satanic Witch' sucking the life force out of unsuspecting dolts, LeeAnne Baker is truly a jaw-dropping presence."

Read the rest here.

Ninja III: The Domination

"Last year Shout! Factory reissued the film on Blu-ray in a gorgeously packaged new Collectors Edition, complete with informative and often hilarious interviews with cast and crew. Seems a good enough excuse to talk about how amazing this film really is. Take a minute, if you will, and appreciate the simplistic beauty of the first sentence in the film's IMDb description:

The body of a sexy aerobics instructor is invaded by the evil spirit of a dying ninja.

Direct, honest, straight to the core of what this film is about: a hot woman, ninjas, and their unholy alliance."

Read the rest here.

Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers

"Michelle Bauer might actually be the MVP of Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers. As the unhinged sexpot Mercedes, she also does what she does better than anyone in B-movies of that era, which is to say she brings the heat - and the comedy. She was once aptly described as, 'the bee's knees when it comes to being facetious while naked and crazy,' and truer words have never been written. This is one of her most salaciously hilarious performances, which is impressive when you consider her career."

Read the rest here.

*****

If you asked me to rank the five films reviewed above, this would be my list:

5. Necropolis—This one only works because of LeeAnn Baker's sizzling lead performance, but otherwise not much to recommend.

4. Stripped to Kill—Katt Shea's excellent erotic thriller with some solid acting and, of course, lots-o-stripping.

3. Stripped to Kill II—Shea's sequel is slightly better than the original, thanks in part to a memorably heartbreaking performance from star Maria Ford, plus once again features lots-o-stripping.

(tie) 1. Ninja III: The Domination—One of the great B-movies of all time, in my estimation, with a kickbutt and totally cool Lucinda Dickey managing to make V8 juice sexy.

(tie) 1. Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers—Also one of the best B-movies of all time because, like Ninja III, it's endlessly entertaining; also features terrific performances from exploitation legends like Linnea Quigley and Michelle Bauer.

*****

Now let's close out with a poster gallery because all of these trashy masterpieces give good art.

Rhonda recommends you stay up all night and marathon these suckers.

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